How Do We Prepare To Bring A New Child Into Our Family?
There isn’t just one way to prepare for adopting a child. We all learn through different modalities. I have noticed that the families who are the most prepared to adopt, are the families who are the most aware of their need for preparation and who are open to learning and growth. The simplistic adage, “All they need is love,” will not serve you well in the process of bonding and attachment. Love is an important tool to have in your toolbox, but love needs to look like:
knowledge of an adopted child’s developmental process;
understanding of the inherent trauma and grief every adopted child carries;
training in and sensitivity to transracial adoptee identity;
practical skills for connecting and attaching with a child who is disconnected;
developing a solid adoptive family network and supportive community.
At Integrity Home Studies, we offer an excellent pre-adoptive online training program based on the principles of TBRI (Trust-Based Relational intervention). We require all of our home study families to complete this program as a part of their home study approval process. I encourage you to take advantage of this program many other ways to learn and grow in your knowledge as future adoptive parents.
Spend your drive time or exercise time listening to podcasts on the subject of adoption, from both an adoptee’s point of view as well as an adoptive parent’s point of view. Find an adoption conference in your area and attend. There are excellent presenters with valuable insights at these conferences. Choose one or two of the books we recommend on our Resources List. Take notes and discuss as a couple or family. Watch a documentary on the subject of adoption. Find a counselor who specializes in adoption and attachment work. Seek out an adoptive families support group in your area, and if there isn’t one yet, ask adoptive families near you to come together once a month to form one. Interview veteran adoptive parents and ask for words of wisdom.
You will never regret putting more tools in your adoptive parenting toolbox. It’s what love looks like!
